


The Fear of Being Alone

by starspangledmanwithaplan



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Mush, Gen, Hurt, Hurt Bucky, Injured Bucky, admission of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 19:19:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14837633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starspangledmanwithaplan/pseuds/starspangledmanwithaplan
Summary: You’re ready to tell Bucky how you feel, if he manages to live long enough.





	The Fear of Being Alone

You were pacing, chewing on your nails, your mind a flurry of activity, of the worst-case-scenarios, the what ifs, and could-have-beens. Ever since finding out that the man you’d been exchanging emails with and talking on the phone for endless hours over the past eighteen months wasn’t James Buchanan, he was James Buchanan - everybody calls me Bucky - Barnes, the Winter Soldier, Captain America’s best friend, newest member to the Avengers, you hadn’t been able to sit still, to turn off your anxiety, the voices that rampaged in your mind.

Your thoughts varied from  _how could he lie to me like that_  to  _is he going to die on a mission_ , and everything in between. Part of you wanted to slam your fists into his chest and ask him how the hell he could lie to you. Part of you wanted to hide away and cry, to scream at him to leave you alone, that you never wanted to see him again. But the part that you were scared of, was that you were falling in love with him, and if anything were to ever happen to him… you wouldn’t survive.

It was the scheduled night and time for him to call, but when your phone lit up, you didn’t answer, it wasn’t James’ number. After sending it to voicemail, you resumed your pacing, only to have your phone ring a second time. Something in the back of your mind told you to accept the call, that you wouldn’t forgive yourself if you didn’t.

“He- hello?” you stuttered, anxiety twisting your stomach painfully.

“Hey, doll,” James murmured through his teeth.

Tears clouded your vision when you realized something was wrong. “What is it, James?”

He coughed, thick and wet, a pained grunt following. “Nothing,” he lied thickly. “I ju- just wanted to… to hear your voice.”

“Don’t you fuckin’ lie to me, James,” you scolded him sternly.

“I ain’t,” he insisted, a gasp leaving him the next moment. “Doc says I’ll be fine.”

You rubbed your forehead and let out a shuddering breath. “Tell me what happened.”

“I don’t…  _shit_ ,” he snarled loudly. “I don’t want to talk about that now.”

When you shook your head angrily, the tears fell, streaking your makeup from the day. “Too damn bad, Barnes.”

“Would you stop it?” James hissed to someone. “Y/N, I meant… we’re close by. Are you okay with uh, me coming over? I don’t want to talk about this over the phone.”

“I guess,” was your sigh of an answer. You didn’t give him time to say anything, you disconnected the call and threw your phone onto the couch. “Unbelievable.”

Over an hour later, there were a series of loud knocks on your door. After looking through the peephole, you quickly unlocked the door and stood to the side as an injured James… Bucky Barnes stumbled in. The front of his shirt was torn and bloodied, several long rows of stitches in his chest, dark thread, puckered skin. You swallowed at the knot in your throat at the sight of him, willing yourself not to cry.

“Do you need anything?” you asked, closing the door.

He gave a shake of his head and grimaced. “I’m good.”

“You’re good? You don’t fuckin’ look it!” With your chin quivering, you reached out and smacked him across the face.

His crystal eyes were drilling into yours. “The fuck was that for?”

“You scared me,” you admitted, your voice thick and raw.

He brushed his fingers over the darkening print of your hand on his face. “What do you have to be scared of?”

“You really wanna know what I’m scared of?” you scoffed, both hands curled into fists at your sides. “Since finding out  _who_  you are, I’m scared of everything! I’m scared to move, I’m scared to breathe, I’m scared,” you had to clear the emotion from your throat before continuing, “I’m scared to touch you.”

The super soldier stood in front of you and gently wiped away the tears from your face with his thumbs. “You don’t need to be scared.”

Sighing heavily, your eyes fell to the wound on his chest, to the dried blood that was on his cheek and neck, to the stains on his tactical gear. “I can’t lose you, James. I.. I won’t survive,” you admitted, tears filling your eyes once again.

“I’m right here, doll. I ain’t going anywhere,” he whispered before pressing his lips to yours.

Even as your eyes fell closed and you melted into him, your chin was quivering. You could have lost him for forever, and you never would have been able to forgive yourself for not admitting your feelings before tonight. When he ran his tongue along the seam of your lips, you slanted your mouth over his, deepening the kiss. He moaned in the back of his throat when you pushed up to your toes and wrapped your arms around his neck, tangling your fingers in his messy hair. He had you backed against the wall, his hips pinning you to it, his flesh hand squeezing your hip, his metal one pressing into the back of your neck, angling your head, controlling the kiss.

With your hands against his chest, you managed to push him back just enough to suck in some air. “Bucky, stop,” you panted, your heart hammering in your chest.

“Sorry, doll,” he murmured, his forehead against yours. “That… was long overdue.”

Chuckling low in your throat, you agreed by cupping his face in your hands and pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Something I’ve wanted to do for a while.”

“Me, too,” was his breathy reply.

There was a long moment of silence between the two of you before Bucky cringed and put his finger to his ear. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

You couldn’t keep the disappointment from your voice when you asked, “Do you have to leave?”

“Unfortunately,” James sighed. “You could uh, you could come with.”

“I can?” you inquired, confusion roaring through you. “Won’t I… won’t  _you_  get into trouble? I’m nobody important.”

He was kissing you again, fiercely, stealing all cognitive thought from your brain and air from your lungs. “You’re someone important to me,” he insisted, his eyes dark.

With one corner of your mouth pulled up, you nodded. “Let me get my shoes on.”


End file.
